Monday, August 13, 2012

Some Notes on How I Write Reviews

I don't expect this essay to be read by very many people.  I suppose that calls into question the purpose of writing it.  Perhaps it's for me.  OR for those few who have an interest in adult videos and who read these reviews.  Perhaps someone has asked "why'd he do that?"

Most porn reviews are like the play-by-play descriptions of a college basketball or football game kept by Sports Information Directors -- they describe every play and its result.  I've written reviews like that but not recently.

When I write a review it's (almost) always because I liked the movie and wanted to share that sentiment with others.  I only wish I had time to review more movies because there's a TON of really great work being done in adult right now; far more than I have time to watch or write about.

What I think is important is for me to tell you WHY I liked a particular scene or feature.  It is less important, I think, to give you the blow-by-blow-squeeze-by-squeeze description of every scene.  Was their good chemistry?  Passion?  Some particularly interesting feature of a scene?  There are only so many things that two humans can do, sexually and you could make a pretty standard list of what appears in most scenes depending on the players -- B/G, G/G, FFM, MFM, MMF, gang bang, etc.  There are a finite number of openings in the human anatomy, male or female, and a finite number of appendages that can penetrate those openings.  The math here is fairly straight forward.

So I don't keep track of how much RACG, or CG, or ACG, or DP, or DAP, or DVP, Doggie, Mish, spoon, etc. contained in a scene unless there's something particularly worthy of note.  I try to describe how the scene affected me and how the participants responded to one another.  I try to analyze what the director accomplished and how that worked (or didn't).

My style has evolved over the years and if you look at my older reviews I used to include a TON of detail including the sequence of what happened and how in each scene.  I probably did this because that's what I read from other reviewers.

But if you read a mainstream film or television review you don't get a play-by-play for the entire movie, so why do that in Porn?  There are obvious differences, of course, and many porn consumers will only buy/rent a video if it has some of ________ and __________ or __________ in it.  They profit by reading reviews that give them this kind of information.  While I will occasionally include that in my reviews you shouldn't expect it unless I think that particular item illustrates what's good about a scene.

The other thing to consider here is that I have my own preferences when it comes to what happens in a scene and I want to be up front about what those are so that you can properly judge whether or not my review is useful for you or not.  I don't consider myself a journalist.  I have biases and they are on display here.  I prefer lesbian porn, for example, to porn with penises included.  And, I like my lesbian porn to include lots of kissing and tribbing.  So if a scene has both, I'm going to mention it.  There's always a "your mileage may vary" component and you need to keep this in mind as you read what I write.

I'm always happy to respond to questions about a review (I seldom get any) and I welcome your comments or insights as well.

Thanks for reading this.


  1. Let me ask a question please. You wrote, “When I write a review it's (almost) always because I liked the movie and wanted to share that sentiment with others.” I have to assume that you watch several movies but write a review only on the ones you like. If the movie is not appealing to you, it seems you do something my mother taught me, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

    Here is my question. How do you pick which movies you watch? Is it because you get a complimentary copy of the movie to review? Is it because of the star’s (or studio, director, etc.) reputation. Is it because of the title or genre? How do you make that initial selection, with so many options available today?

    1. I do not get movies from studios or anyone else in the industry. I get no discounts or special consideration. I wish :)

      I look for movies by specific directors/studios or with specific performers. Anything Nica Noelle does, for example, will get my attention because I appreciate her story telling abilities.

      I don't watch every new title that comes out. That would be a full time job. And sometimes out here in the boondocks I can't always get the titles I want, for reasons I won't go into here.

      I follow the discussions on and keep abreast of what's coming down the pike from my preferred directors or studios. Right now I'm waiting for a copy of Jules Jordan's "Oil Overload 7" to hit the local video store -- Veronica Avluv is in it with Manuel Ferrara and that pair is ALWAYS worth a look. Plus oil? Are you kidding? Perfect.

      There are some companies whose work I avoid pretty much 100 per cent of the time. I'm not going to list them here, keeping in mind what my mother taught me...

      The main reason I don't review movies I didn't like (with a few exceptions) is that I have an idea of how hard it is to create this work and how much people put into it. Plus I've gotten to know ("know" being a relative term) a few people in the business and I know how criticism, fair or otherwise, can affect them. So I seek to give positive reinforcement to those whose work I like and just keep mum on the other stuff.

      And, I don't have time to review everything I watch. I probably have fragments of six or eight video reviews on various thumb drives waiting to be finished.

      I hope this is the answer you were looking for. Thanks for asking the questions. :)

  2. Thank you. You answered my question perfectly. I really enjoy your reviews. I also agree with something in your response. Giving someone positive reinforcement helps them achieve so much more than they ever expected. I'm saying that with one specific performer in mind. Your review took her career to a new level of achievement.


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